by Jimmy Evans
Karen Evans is my soul mate. We dated for four years and have been married more than forty years. We found the marriage of our dreams, but it almost ended in divorce. The reason it has succeeded is because God intervened and healed us—and because we began following His plan for marriage.
We put in the hard work that led to us becoming best friends and soul mates. But our story doesn’t fit the typical romantic idea about finding and marrying the person of your dreams. That’s because much of what our culture believes about soul mates is based on false expectations that set couples up for failure.
There are three dangerous soul mate myths:
*The first* is that my soul mate will be just like me. The online dating world tells us it’s possible to instantly connect with a person because we match up in category after category.
I know a lot of people who have found success with online dating, but the truth is that no two people are perfectly compatible.
Compatibility is based on character and values—not on sameness. Your perfect soul mate will be someone very different from you.
Often, it’s only after marrying someone that we find out how very different they are.
Assuming you and your spouse will be a perfect match will break your heart.
*The second myth* is that marrying my soul mate means a problem-free marriage. This causes huge disappointment. Many people think marrying their soul mate brings day after day of positive feelings in marriage.
But every couple will face issues they need to work through. Every couple will experience negative feelings toward each other. Marrying a believer and building a foundation of good communication can minimize these problems, but doesn’t prevent them.
The devil wants nothing more than for you to experience negative feelings one day and think, “I married the wrong person.” Here’s the truth: Soul mates are not born. They are made in the trenches of life. The greatest marriages are those where two committed believers roll up their sleeves and fight hard for their relationship.
*The third myth* is that my soul mate will always make me happy. No one person can meet all of your needs or always make you happy.
The basis of happiness is God. Only He can meet our deepest needs.
Giving an individual the responsibility for your happiness sets that person up for failure. This lie brings heartache into your life and your marriage.
Don’t believe these myths. Instead, do the things that create a soul mate.
Make choices that build a bond between you and your spouse. Empathize with each other by attempting to understand them. Walk in their shoes.
Be generous with each other by giving kindness and attention. Invest in each other. Listen. Talk. And make your marriage a priority.
Spend time together and put each other first. Marriage only works when it is in first place.
Our culture tells a number of lies about soul mates. Don’t believe those myths.
Instead, believe the truth: Your soul mate is someone who puts you first, gives to you, and cares about you. Are you working hard to become your spouse’s soul mate?